Friday, August 27, 2010

Alone

Inherit to grief is a loneliness and isolation.  Each grief is it's own and so the grief one widow feels is completely different than another- even though they grieve the same kind of loss.  The grief I have is different than the grief a family member or close friend of Dan's might have even though we grieve the same person.  And so, you walk alone.

I noticed yesterday as my grief counselor spoke of her own loss of her daughter, she kept saying the word "we" referring to herself and her husband.  "We" didn't know how we'd get through it..."We" couldn't have done it without ..."

And I suddenly felt very lonely.  There is really no "we" in this grief process for me.  My companion and partner is gone.  The one person I have come to rely on for support for the past eleven  years is missing during this, the most profound and terrifying experience of my life.  Each night I am alone as I struggle through the pain, and alone as I turn out the light and pull our quilt over my head.

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