I am angry that you were away so much this past year- that I didn't get to see you very much and now you are gone. That I sacrificed and thought there would be a reward- success for you in your caree- more happiness, more time together in the end- but there is no reward now- only sorrow.
But...I am happy to have these letters- and happy Audrey can read them- which, had you not been on tour- I would not have. Seems now that this one can almost serve as your own goodbye to me- the things you'll miss:
I am here in rainy and cold Atlanta. Or as they say "Hotlanta" I'm doing OK. The WV show last night went pretty good and at the end of the show, they asked K and me to join a "jam" w/ their house band and other performers to sing/play 1 song and gave us solos. It was a lil cheesy, like a country variety show, but what the hey...It was sort of fun.
Can't believe we're parents to a beautiful child!! Audrey is just so amazing and beyond anything I've ever imagined. I keep thinking this.
Did you picture her as she is right now? When we started dating, I never thought about my future children, or their character, nonetheless...And we have ourselves a wonderful, beautiful little ball of energy! So cute and hilarious.
Ever since having Miss A., we feel extra stressed, with money, responsibilities, but she is so worth it. Although I wish things were easier...yeah.
I do miss our dating days. When I traveled from Staten Island, taking a bus, then a ferry, then subway to Port Authority, then bus to Jersey...those were the days. I loved seeing your face (and I still do- always were beautiful and now more beautiful than ever). I miss going out with you in the city, having nice meals, watching movies, catching good music...Maybe I'm in lala land, but what I'm saying is, I love doing things with you, more than any other person on earth!!! I love the look on your face when you tasted something delicious ("this is a carnival in my mouth...or something like that!) or when you are surprised by a good movie, or when you came out of a concert satisfied (Jonatha Brooke, Travis, Switchfoot) Or just marveling at the beauty of nature or surroundings, like in Central Park, Paris, Montreal. I even love seeing you when you laugh because something didn't turn out the way you wanted it- like when you were taking me to the swamp lake and showing me your awkward letters you cut out for Audrey's Happy Birthday banner...You're cute when you laugh.
I love you and love to see you smile, laugh and be happy. I still love your tears, and being frustrated/angry because that is also who you are, but I see that side enough. :)
I will step up in being practical and taking on more responsibilities. Try to ease your stress, but I will also do things that bring you smiles, laughter, happiness...
Miss you and Audrey so much. You guys are the prettiest ladies ever, whom can't be replaced- by anyone- anything.
Love you Your husband and appa (in Korean), Dan