Once Audrey is finally in her crib, talking to herself and hopefully getting sleepy, I go into the kitchen to get a glass of water, and walk into the living room where I have the table with all of your photos and fresh flowers. I pick up a photo of you and put my lips to yours- and tell you goodnight and I love you and I miss you.
Then I shut off the kitchen light and come into our room for another night of writing, thinking, crying. I came in tonight, turned on the baby video monitor, and saw Audrey has the same ritual. She had taken your photo out of the Hello Kitty stuffed animal someone gave her and was kissing it. I cried for both of us, then went in and told her that I know she misses him- put the photo back in the heart shape Hello Kitty holds. Then she asked me for a hug.