I guess because I sound so in shock and yes, I'm impatient to get through the intense pain of the grieving process- and still hoping there's some way for me to go around it or skip over it...but yeah- people keep on telling me how long it's going to take:
"I hate to say it, but it's going to a take a really long time."
"You're in for a long haul."
"It's going to be years and years."
Um...thanks. But I wonder too if next year those same people will expect me to be doing a whole lot "better."
I know it's going to take a long time for the pain to lessen at all- how could it not? It's not like I stubbed my toe, or even have a broken heart because my boyfriend dumped me- my soul mate of eleven years, the father of my daughter, has suddenly left the world and I didn't even get to say goodbye. My entire life and status has changed abruptly. I am considered "single" in the eyes of the world, but last time I checked, I was happily married.
For the most part, it seems the acceptable grieving period in other countries (ours really has no strong tradition), is one year. But I've been thinking why would that even make any sense? If it took eleven years for our love to grow to the place it was at when he died, shouldn't it take at least that long for me to even process my life here without him? Yes, it's going to be a long haul.