Yesterday I had my phone session with my old therapist. It was good, but probably the most important words for me were spoken in the last two minutes.
I had been talking a lot throughout our conversation about faith. About how I just want to know 100% that he's OK. T. told me that if I can figure that out, we can write a book and make millions of dollars. He told me to go with that which brings me peace and comfort- but my point was that I don't wish to do that. I don't want to believe in something just because it brings me comfort. I want to believe in it because it's true.
T. talked about Joseph Campbell, a favorite of his, who writes about myths and stories that demonstrate the same basic and universal truths across cultures. He talked about how something in the faith I'd chosen must have resonated with me. So even though there are many questions and much I can not understand, I should rely on that resonance. It was the same he said, with Dan and I. Between the two of us, we must've thought about walking out of the marriage a dozen times. But we didn't. Because despite all of the difficult things- our differences, the tensions and pressures bearing down on us, something- that original admiration and enchantment of one soul with another that drew us together- was still there- though possibly invisible or even dormant at times. That is resonance, which I realized right before we said goodbye and I hung up the phone- is a beautiful, beautiful word.