prognosticate \prog-NOS-ti-keyt\, verb:

1. To forecast or predict (something future) from present indications or signs; prophesy.
2. To provide an indication of future events through actions or signs.

I've subscribed to the dictionary word of the day for years now. I think it started when I was sitting in cubes at 9-5 jobs and feeling like I wasn't learning anything anymore. I love words, so I usually check out the word, and if I'm lucky- remember to use it after that.

I sat down to write this post about some signs I believe I had- haven't figured out why or from whom or anything yet- that this was all going to happen. But then I saw a new email in my inbox-found it was my dictionary word of the day- and then- found the definition above: prognosticate. Seems too much for mere coincidence.

So, yeah, I had a few signs that Dan might die. I'm not sure whether it was the grace of God preparing me without me really knowing or something else.

"I wonder if I'm being prepared to be a single mom? I wonder if Dan is going to die?"

"I don't want to be a pregnant widow."
This just isn't something one normally says, and I can still see Dan standing in front of our dresser next to our bed looking at me like I was crazy to say such a morbid thing.

So, all of these signs have come back to me with perfect clarity in the past few weeks- I don't believe I'm making them up now so that I feel more in control of the chaos- they really happened- and I'm just trying to make sense of them. I am still not able to process the fact that Dan is dead. I am still in shock. But not surprised- is that weird? There is certainly an invisible world right under our noses- it would be utter foolishness to stop at our five senses and the matter around us.