Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Answers

The counselor told me I would hate the support group and I pretty much did.  I signed something about confidentiality so I guess I'm pretty limited as to what I can say.

Though I'm thankful for it, no one there was in my situation- no young widows with young children- or even someone who had lost a spouse.  I could tell right away before we even went around introducing ourselves by everyone's demeanor that I would win the grief contest with my tragedy.

So, will it be helpful?  I really don't know- but I told my counselor I'd go three times so I suppose I will.

One thing I realized is that I don't think I'm really on a search for comfort, strength to go on in this life- though I guess I need that too- medicine to assuage this incredible pain for myself- I'm looking for Truth.  I'm looking for greater realities than what I've known the past thirty-four years.  Maybe it's because my questions are unanswerable really that most people just put on the band aids- books, groups where you can vent and hopefully be understood, faith, whatever gets you through- I'm doing that too...but more importantly, I want answers.  I wonder if this desire will ever go away.

I hope not.

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