Friday, September 24, 2010

God and with God

I'm not sure at all what to make of this, but when someone this close to you dies, God sort of disappears and the person who died takes his place for a while.  What do I mean by this?  Well, suddenly if it is true, heaven becomes less abstract and mushy- not just about basking in the Creator's love in a completely abstract and unknown way- but instead it becomes about reuniting with your love.

Dan suddenly seems omniscient- I'm not sure if that's reserved for God alone, but at least his reality would be so much greater than mine- that he certainly knows more than me- he's gone past this world- into the invisible and unknown.

I guess this is why so many people, even non-believers, start to think of their lost one as an angel watching over them.  I don't believe this is exactly the case, but I do feel like since you're there in that realm with God, maybe you can put in a good word for us or something?

So I'm just wondering when heaven and spiritual things will be primarily about God again or if I will ever really "love" him like I used to think I did- because now there is someone else there with him whom I already love fiercely and have seen in the flesh- who has fathered a child with me.  Can you compete with this God?  And yet you are my only hope of seeing that one I love again.  It is all very twisted and confusing.  But I guess if Dan was a man before, he is not God suddenly now.  He is with God.  I hope with time they both fall back into their rightful positions.

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