There is no one who can give me any answers. No one. I feel like I sit at the computer sometimes waiting for a magic email or message to tell me what's going on or give me some answers. But really, no pastor, friend, book, or even counselor can say something to make this make sense or take any of the pain away. It's a locked box.
Speaking of counselor, mine told me today if I'm feeling mentally exhausted from all my thinking/processing/questioning, to take a break. So i may do that for at least a day.