In the kitchen- putting away leftovers from Audrey's lunch before- thinking about how everything I touch in there marks our union- it's all stuff from our wedding registry.  The plates, the utensils, the mugs and glasses.

I put away the macaroni and cheese and broccoli in a pyrex that I used to pack your lunches in when you worked in the city at your day job.  I hated packing lunches, but at least tried to do it most of the time.  Sometimes I even included a cute note.  The first year of our marriage I made you Korean soup for your birthday to take to work and rice crispie treats- one of your favorites- to share with the office.  I spelled out "Happy Birthday Dan" with them.

You'd tell me everyone at work said what I made looked really good and that I was a good cook all the time.  I really am not, but thank you.

I was so sad this afternoon that I never have to make you another lunch again.

Audrey is napping now.

Thinking for a few minutes now of your left cheekbone- the light colored freckles there.  We fall in love in bodies.  No Manichean or Gnostic beliefs will do.  

I think of your uneven sideburns you trimmed yourself and think how can this really be?  How can you really be dead when you had sideburns and freckles and a face?