Thursday, October 28, 2010

Clarifications

A grieving person is not depressed, though it looks similar.

Fresh air, exercise, chicken soup, or going for a massage, though appreciated and "healthy" will not help to lift it.  It is not lift-able.

A grieving person needs kindness and needs to learn to be kind to him or herself.  This is something I've not been good at most of my life, but I am learning now.

There will be no wise words spoken, though I was wishing there were, that will alleviate the grief- so the best a friend can do is sit with you and cry.  They may offer hope.  The counselor asked me today what was comforting to me- what I expected of people.  I told her a friend who came in the early days and sat with tears in her eyes listening to me saying only "What a loss..." was something I found comforting.

Some have tried to offer these "words of comfort."  Something like this: "You're lucky to have even met someone and had the chance to love like that."

I recently found these handwritten words in a sympathy card from someone whom never married.  I have decided that people who say these particular words have never truly loved.  Because when you truly love someone, it is not a comfort to think that you lost, BUT you loved.  You loved AND lost.

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