To Do Lists

I've always been a list person- making more lists than actually getting stuff done.  You- on the other hand, just did the stuff, while I wrote it down and thought about it a lot.

On the desktop of my computer there are a ton of notepad documents with various titles like "summer" or "chicago trip" or "books for Audrey."  

Today I noticed a dreadful contrast between two that are currently there.  

One is called "Summer" and I'd written it down just before you left.  I was trying to get the most out of the summer for Audrey.  
Chicago Trip- Zoo/Aquarium
Fruit Picking- Blueberry, Peach, Raspberry?
Jersey Shore or Cape May to the beach- visit Ann?

NYC days:
Go hear Hans Christian Anderson stories at statue in the park
Take a boat ride- Circle line or other- staten island ferry?
eat at shake shack and go to madison square park/union square
ride the carousel in bryant park
go to the egyptian room at the MET

Little Gym
Pool Days
Visit Van Saun Park and ride train lots before A. turns 2
Froggy Park
Barbecue at Megumi's
Make new flavors of homemade ice cream
Make and fly a simple kite
catch fireflies
Paint rocks
Make popsicles
Blow bubbles
have a picnic

And then the day after your death- (and I am still surprised by the sharpness of my thinking while in complete and utter shock)

cancel car appt.
find out about covering cost of body back to US 
call funeral home 
ask someone to find irish pub that plays soccer for reception afterwards
ask someone to find someone to play bagpipes
think of musicians dan liked: and songs,   amazing love how can it be.  precious jesus lord of all, how great thou art, my song- everything will be well.
cate for worship? - paul can contact
write google to see if ican get password into dan's account and notify more friends/
pick out outfit for dan
pick out outfit for me and audrey to wear to funeral
get information on possible burial sites- A. had one in mind about 40 min from here. that's pretty

there should be enlarged photographs at the party- go through and pick out some of family etc.

ask a few people to speak about Dan and say what he meant to them.

email everyone who i want to know

create fund in his name for something? - can do later and just say it will be set up later.

I hate both of these lists now because they symbolize my shattered past and future- and the day that changed it all.  It's interesting how I called your funeral "the party."  It felt like that's what I was planning- and I was hoping I would see you there all along I think.  All I wanted to do was honor you in every way.  

The to-do lists never end in life.  I still have a few now with all of the paperwork still trailing your life.  But then they do- they do end.