One of the things I replay in my mind is the phone call I made to my parents to tell them my husband was "apparently" dead- I remember using that word.
They had just gone to Connecticut that day for a mini vacation and had just arrived at the hotel when I reached them.
It was funny because I remember them saying a few days before, if you need anything- we can don't have to go--- or we can always come back- something like that. You'd been on the European tour almost a week so I was home alone with Audrey. I replied shortly, "What would I need? We're fine."
Then I got the phone call a couple of days later.
I don't remember who I called first- but I think it was them. Then I went downstairs, knocked on a neighbor's door but there was no reply- left voicemails with two or three other friends...and waited.
But you know how when something bad happens, and you have to tell someone- but you don't want them to think the worst? So you say, "Everyone's OK- but..." I just keep remembering how as soon as I was searching for words to tell my parents, I couldn't say that...but I said, "I'm OK, Audrey's OK...but... apparently my husband's dead."