How foolish of me to have believed somewhere in my soul that one year meant I'd be wrapping things up.
Anniversary: returning annually. annus versus in the Latin.
Had been a word with a pleasant connotation to me before this. In grieving circles they call it sadiversary. You would've hated that I think and I do too.
I had hoped to at least put all of the paperwork of your death behind but some of that still lingers and I will have to accept it spilling over into my "second year."
"There's this notion that there's something magical about the one year marker," another widow friend tells me, "but there's not." Another friend tells me in Korean culture, one is given about five years to grieve...much more generous than the expectation of one year and then you're done.
Some people say you are rebuilding your life that first year- but in reality- the first year you are busy tearing down your old life - from the very foundations. Perhaps in the second year, you can pour the cement for this "new life."
What is this first year "marker?" Some say the end of the year of magical thinking- the year where you could still walk through the door or call on the phone. It is a time to remember and relive. If I had to explain it, I'd say the first year was an exclamation, "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" and at the end of this year, a statement:
"Oh my God."