I just discovered a blog I kept very infrequently at your request back in 2006. I wrote this on the five year anniversary of September 11th:
it's important to remember today, not only for those who were lost, but for those are still living. we go about our lives, feeling like we've got all the time in the world. but on sept. 11th, the stark, raw, nature of our mortality and smallness, cut into our world. i want to carry that rawness with me in many ways, so i don't forget to love, and live. and so i don't forget that
"Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it." psalm 39.6
Reading something I wrote just five years ago is like reading my journal from eighth grade. That is how mature and profound my pre-widow thoughts and faith now appear to me. I had to "try" to feel the rawness, feel our phantomness...now...I do not.